Immortal Moon
by Imay
Summary: How did you survive?
1. Prelude

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy IX, or any charecters, ideas, or events owned by Square. As such,I am not making any money, nor licencing deals off of this story. Thank god I'm not, or we probably wouldn't have such wonderful games today.

_"I didn't have a choice."  
" I had to live."  
"I wanted to come home to you."  
"So..."  
"I sang your song."  
"Our song."_

What I said to you... as you held me tight, as if I would disappear if you let go... It was true. I didn't have a choice... And I did want to come back to you - god, it was the only thing I've been thinking about for the past year... All I cared about was seeing you again. And it's true I sang our song. It's what kept me... from breaking. But that isn't how I survived. Not... not physically, anyway.

Right after I reached Kuja... we talked for a while... and then he died. I dunno, maybe he was holding the Iifa tree's reaction back or something... but the minute the light in his eyes went out... It...

... I died.


	2. Staying Behind

_"The love that once was born can not die For it has become part of us, of our life,  
Woven into the very texture of our being.  
Each of us would wish to leave some part of ourselves,  
So here and now we bear witness to the one we knew in life,  
Who now in death bequeaths a subtle part, precious and beloved,  
Which will be with us in truth and beauty,  
In dignity and courage and love To the end of our days."_

_- Algernon Black_

* * *

'...Farewell Zidane...' - that's what he said to me, right as we were leaving.

I can't help but wonder - what would have happened if I hadn't gone back for Kuja?

_"Ah, dammit..."_

It's hard to say... I still would have... have changed, when he died, but then I might not have known that something was different. Not for a long time, anyway.

_"...Why don't you go on ahead? I'll catch up with you all later. I have to take care of something..."_

But, I did decide to go back for him. I couldn't leave him there... Even if he DID try to destroy all life, he was still my brother, you know? Besides, he wasn't all bad - he proved that when he teleported us out of the zero world after we defeated Necron. Of course, that was kinda the ONLY good thing he ever did for us... Heh. I guess I just have a forgiving nature, eh?

_"...He's still alive."_

I knew he didn't have a lot of time left... and that he was going to die no matter what I did, and soon. But I didn't want for him to have to die alone. No one deserves that... not really.

_"Steiner... take care of Dagger."_

It hurt - it hurt A LOT saying goodbye to you guys. I knew there was a good chance I would never see any of you again, much less actually make it back to Kuja. God, it felt like I was being torn up inside as we spoke our final words... Steiner, Freya, Vivi, Eiko, Amarant, Quinta... and you, Dagger.

_"...Kuja's still alive. I can't just leave him."_

It was hard, convincing you guys that I had to go back. And go back alone. For you to leave me here. To convince you to walk away knowing that this would probably be the last time you would ever see me. It was probably one of the hardest things I had ever done. But I knew I had to.

_"No, that's not the reason."_

I gotta admit - you guys put up some pretty convincing arguments. Hell, it was all I could do to keep from bursting out into tears and crying hysterically... Not that I would have admitted it, or anything... I could barely believe what I was doing. And yet...

_"Because... Because I might've done the same thing if I were in his shoes."_

What I said about doing the same things Kuja had, in his place - I wasn't kidding. Maybe it was because he was dieing, but now... now I could feel a strange bond between us. I could feel his pain, his regret... and his loneliness. God, he was so alone.

_"I probably would've fought against you guys and wreaked havoc in Gaia like he did... I know it sounds crazy... but I know, deep down inside, I have to do this."_

As I spoke, I could feel him. I could feel that he thought I was insane, that I should just go... that he wasn't worth it. That he deserved to die, to fade out of existence all alone, without anyone giving a damn. I said it to him, before he died - that no one, is useless. That every life has meaning. I meant it.

_"...I can't just leave him. There's no way I could live with myself. I'm going."_

I couldn't - just couldn't, let him die thinking all that. Sure, I was mad about all the stuff he did... furious, really... and a big part of me hated him... but I just... I just couldn't. It was one of those defining moments in life, the ones where we either walk forward and never look back... or the ones where we break.

_"Maybe... but we all have to make big decisions in life sometimes. For me, now's that time. I have to face up to it, just like Vivi did when he confronted his fears to find out about himself. That was a big decision for Vivi."_

You guys didn't agree with me, obviously.

_"That's what you think, but I might not being doing this if it weren't for you. You've definitely taught me to take life more seriously."_

I've learned so much, since I first met you. I've changed a lot, hopefully for the better. I think we all have, really.

I... I cried when I watched you fly away on the Hilda Guard 3.

Inside, I mean.

I couldn't let you see my tears.

I was too busy saying goodbye to you all, for what I thought was the last time.

There's a reason I never actually said anything in response to what you asked me to do... "Promise me one thing... Please come back." Even if I had believed I could honestly have said, "I promise", I wouldn't have been able to. I would have lost any control I had left, and I wouldn't have been able to leave you.

And then, you were gone.

I watched you fly away, and then walked to the edge of the cliff. It was insane looking. The roots were shooting EVERYWHERE. I called out to Kuja, not really expecting an answer, but getting one anyway.

"Kuja! Can you hear me? I'm coming to get you!"

"You still have time... Forget about me and go."

"Just shut up and stay where you are!"

"...I don't understand you."

That he didn't understand... Looking back, I'd always feel a stab of pity, right in my heart, that he didn't.

"Okay, here goes nothing."

Somehow, I knew where he was - I could sense him. It must have been that strange link we developed, near the end... I barely had a chance to wonder about how the hell I was going to get through the growing insanity of the Iifa tree, when a group of huge group of roots and vines shot forward at me, forcing me to jump off the cliff and into the fray.

Into utter chaos.


	3. Death and Regeneration

Maybe it was because Kuja was nearing his death, but last time I checked, I wasn't able to _run sideways on a wall._ Or a whole lot of those other crazy stunts I pulled while I was trying to reach him. It would have been really, really awesome if it wasn't for the fact that I was gonna die. Or at least get my tail smashed. Or something. It was bizarrely invigorating, facing death out of shear… ah, stupidity, as some would have put it. It feels different than when you're doing it to save the world or something.

Now that I think about it, it probably took only about three minutes for me to reach Kuja – maybe less. But damn, it sure didn't feel like it. It was either eternity or a split second – and I don't really know which. Jumping, ducking, climbing, dodging – I didn't really think about my actions, I just acted. Well… except for that one part where I got cocky and was standing on the moving roots (backwards) and used it like a moving sidewalk to get to Kuja… and I almost got killed… but whatever.

My memory of talking to Kuja is kind of… fuzzy, some how. I can barely remember what we said… I remember… pain. The emotional kind – and… Wait… I can remember… some of it… I had just reached the center, and something made me jump, and I fell… and all of a sudden, it was like time stopped, because right in front of my was lying Kuja – dying in a bizarrely peaceful moss-covered notch in the tree. Our eyes met. Then… time started back up. Damn, it _hurt._ It was a really long fall – I didn't think about it then, but most people – not even me – should be able to just get up with barely so much as an "ow". Yeah…

_"U… Ugh…"_

_"…?" _

_"Phew… Still alive…" _

_"I guess that was pretty crazy." _

We talked for a while, after I climbed back up to him. We… I… barely had a chance to say anything. The last thing he said to me…

_"After you guys beat me, I had nothing left… nothing more to lose." _

_"Then I realized what it means to live…" _

_"I guess I was too late."_

Then he died. Great note to end on, huh? Yeah… so I'm a little bitter here… but can you blame me…? Ugh. I'm not sure _why_ I even feel guilty, I mean… Oh forget it. Shut up Zidane, you can angst about it later, okay? Okay. Good. Moving on now… I won't deny it. When he died, I freaked out. It was like being a little kid, who had picked up this beautiful glass statue in a store… and then dropped it, right in front of the storeowner, and having it shatter into a million tiny fragments… utterly unrepairable. And I just could not get over the thought – _Was this my fault?_

_"Hey! Don't you go dying on me, alright?"_

I knew it was stupid… I knew he was dead. I couldn't feel him anymore. But then, when I heard that horrific crashing sound… and I saw the branches coming towards us- me – I leaped over him, and covered him body with my own.

Then... everything went black.

When I first opened my eyes, I wasn't aware of it really. It was kind of like… you know how it is, when you wake up really abruptly, at like 4 in the morning, for no apparent reason? And you aren't really aware, though you're awake? It was kind of like that. I hung there limply, a broken doll hanging from ancient wood. Most of the roots and branches were gone now – broken off, and fallen below – shattered like stone on the ground, having slid out of me… but leaving no holes. I blinked suddenly, and looked around me without moving my head, some awareness leaking back into me. It was… gray, and dark. The Iifa tree was, without a doubt, completely dead. It even smelled dead – an eerie, awful smell that reminded me of the Mist. A shiver ran through me… and I tried to move. …Which turned out not to be such a great idea. A horrific wave of pain so intense that I screamed out loud, screamed and thrashed and kicked, rose up in my like a tidal wave, consuming my mind completely. The pain got worse – horribly worse, and I looked down through a haze of agony and saw with no small amount of horror the branches that went clear through my body. They went through my chest, my legs, stomach, arms – there was even one through my neck…! I screamed again.

It was like a nightmare.

I couldn't comprehend how I was alive- how I was still living despite the fact that a large part of my body had been destroyed… I started coughing up blood, and my wounds started to bleed. I couldn't feel my heartbeat.

I didn't have one. There was a root that had gone straight through my heart, and had crushed it.

I felt something well up inside me, a screaming hot fear and rage that burst out of me in an explosion of red and pink light… There was a roar of sound that started out dull and soon became so loud that I could feel the very tree shake a little. There was a pause. Then I opened my eyes again – but now… Now I wasn't… quite the same. I felt… unattached, to reality. I was aware as I burned the branches that were in me, knew as the fire licked at my own skin and I ignored it…. Ignored the pain from the burning heat and the branches that made me almost faint in agony if I moved. It was like I wasn't there. It was like I was watching someone else, while floating outside my body. It was me, though. I guess the shock of waking up like that sort of… broke my mind temporarily…

Anyway… I'm pretty sure that the light was me going into Trance – I have a tendency to get a little… weird, mentally speaking, when I Trance. Plus, the color was familiar, though a lot more intense…

… The blood on the branches… looked as if it had dried months ago. Which it had.

I didn't think about it at the time, understandably.

Time started to blur for me. I was only vaguely aware when I burned the last root holding me in place, and I fell, collapsed onto the platform where I had talked to Kuja for the last time. Everything started to go dark… and vaguely, I wondered if I was dieing – after somehow living through all that, I was just gonna keel over from… Well. But then I saw the familiar pink flash, and then the light fading… and I mentally sighed in relief – all I was feeling was the Trance wearing off.

I lay there for a long time, in the exact same position I had landed in. There was so much pain… but it had turned into more of a dull throb now – I guess my body was going into shock…

I went into spasms, like having a seizure – I jerked randomly and my eyes rolled back in my head – I couldn't feel or think, and god, it hurt…

And then, suddenly, it was over.


	4. First Realization

My breath was slow and faint - but there, and stable. I ached a little, like I had gotten into a fight a few days ago and was paying for it now (which, I had - but that wasn't what was causing this). It was a far cry from what I was feeling before, that was for sure. I closed my eyes and rested there for a while, listening to my heartbeat. Until then, I never realized how much a part of my consciousness that one simple sound was... I didn't know why I suddenly had one again, but at the moment I really didn't give a damn. 

Eventually, I knew I had to get up, and try to figure out what was going on. So, after a while, I sat up and looked around me.

I was in the Iifa tree all right - I had fallen near where Kuja had been lying before. I remembered... throwing my body over his, in some crazed attempt to save him. I looked over to where his body had been, but there was nothing there anymore...

... Save for a single white feather.

I felt my eyes sting a little as I crawled over to it, and cradled it to my chest. I wish... I really wish I could have saved him. Who knows? Maybe he would have lived for, heck, a whole few more decades... sure, Garland said he was mortal, and that he had a time limit on his life - but who doesn't? We all die someday... I guess I'll never find out, but sometimes I wonder if Kuja misinterpreted that bastard's words. Or, if he meant to be misleading on purpose. But I guess it didn't matter anymore.

Shakily, I managed to get to my feet, holding a nearby trunk as support. I was tired, I ached all over, Kuja was dead, and I was trapped in a freaking giant tree.

But I was alive.

Looking down at myself, I wasn't exactly pleased to see that my cloths had been damaged beyond all hope of repair, and were barely still hanging on to me. My daggers were still at my sides though - despite the fact that the sheaths were pretty roughed up. My hair hung loose around my shoulders, the tie gone. It was kind of annoying, so I blew it out of the way. That struck me kind of funny- here I was, in this crazy pile of shit, and I was annoyed about my hair. Thank god I wasn't anywhere near as vain as Kuja - he'd have had a heart attack if he had been in my place. Personally, I just found it annoying because it wouldn't stay out of my face. What concerned me more then anything else though, was my body. There was no evidence I had been hurt - ever - not so much as a bruise or scrape.

There was nothing - absolutely nothing.

In fact, the only visual evidence that I had ever been hurt was the blood that had dried all over me, mixed with dirt and sweat. Pleasant, right?

Feh. Again, not the worst thing in the world.

... It was still creepy though.

I was still in a mix of shock and survival mode, so I didn't take the time wondering about anything - it didn't occur to me to. All I could think about was getting out of that damn tree. I slipped the feather into one of the sheaths - carefully, so as not to damage it, then looked around.

Everywhere was gray darkness. I could see a little - but barely. The tree didn't give off any of it's own light anymore, but there were enough holes waaaaay in the distance that I could make some things out. I turned around slowly in a circle, my nose wrinkled slightly as the smell of death the tree gave off. On my upper right, about 100 feet or so from where I was, I saw a tunnel leading out of the area. I didn't know if it was blocked, but I figured it was my best guess, sense I couldn't see anything else.

So I climbed.

It wouldn't have been that hard - the roots were so close together that it was practically a staircase - but they were also very, very brittle. The first time one broke under me, I almost fell off... and into a really, really long fall. Which would have really sucked. When I finally reached the... cave-thing, I turned around and looked back at where Kuja had laid. I could barely see it anymore, but I bowed my head silently anyway, and stood there for a moment.

Then I turned, and walked away.

The journey out of the tree was a very odd experience. I've been in weirder situations - I've climbed through forgotten tunnels, wandered through an illusion (or was it real?) of space, journeyed through a place of memories... Hell, I've walked right up the The Crystal... And yet, this seemed more surreal somehow. To tell you the truth, I think I was still in shock. I felt kind of... numb. I didn't think very much - I had a sneaking suspicion that if I did, I'd start freaking out. But after I had been walking for about 20 minutes, I stopped dead, an odd expression on my face. I couldn't belive it hadn't occurred to me before - it was so obvious that I couldn't help it - I just blurted my thoughts out loud.

"Wait a second. Since when can I use Fire spells!"


	5. Author Note 01

A quick note from the author (don't worry - it's not bad news!):

Something occurred to me today about this story. See, when I first uploaded it, I didn't really pay attention to how the ratting system worked... so I just left it as, um... "k". And while I was writing the next chapter, I realized that a character getting their arm ripped off isn't really... in that area. So I'm raising the rating a bit, though I'm still not quite sure which it should be.

So, yes - beware the violence. And their will be cursing, but - come on, the GAME had cursing! And violence! YAY VIOLENCE!

...Feh. Just don't say I didn't warn ya.

Oh yeah! One other thing - if you guys see any mistakes in here, or anything that breaks the TOS, please let me know so I can fix it! Thanks!

Till later...


	6. Breaking Point

_No. Don't think about it – don't think about magic, or healing, or anything else – just get out of here, and THEN we can figure this out, ok? Good._

I took a deep breath to try to calm myself down. It didn't work. The low hissing noise that I heard somewhere behind me didn't help matters either. Slowly, I turned around, my hand reaching for my dagger as I did so.

It was a mist monster. A big one… a really big one. At least, I think it was a mist monster… The point is it was big and wanted to kill me. It looked like a giant serpent with a bunch of taloned legs – some kind of dragon, as far as I could tell. Its body was sheeted in burning red scales – it's legs covered in black – its claws a muddy reddish brown. In the center of its head it had a single yellow eye, rolling around madly… Its teeth were like needles, the mouth stretching around most of its head. It was about 15 feet long… but it looked a lot longer when it reared up and let louse of horrific screeching noise. My first thought?

"Well… fuck."

Then it lunged. I leapt back to avoid it, immediately thinking about how to beat this thing.

_Okay… I probably can't run away from it – at least not now… It doesn't look like it has enough of a brain to allow me to trick it into allowing me a back attack on it… There's no point in causing trouble to it… Sacrifice would be suicidal and pointless… So that leaves normal fighting, Soul Blade, Lucky Seven, and Thievery._

I leapt to the side as it raked a clawed arm through where I had just been standing.

"Soul Blade!"

The black mist shot out of my dagger, but when it came in contact with the monster, it just evaporated. The damn thing was immune to being blinded! And there was no way I could get close enough to and any hits without getting made into a shiskabob. So that left…

I raised my dagger straight up as I jumped, the coin appearing from nowhere. The monster's eye followed it up, as it turned into a large chest, and then fell to the ground… exploding on contact.

_Heh… fall for it every time…_

The blast was huge, knocking the monster onto it's back. I took that as my cue to run.

I got maybe 10 feet when it let lose the highest-pitched shrieking noise I had ever heard – a sonic attack that was so strong it actually made the cavern vibrate and me fall flat on my face. The ringing in my ears was insane – I couldn't hear jack shit… I could, however, smell the creature as it rushed up to me, it's jaws gaping. I tried to roll out of the way, but I wasn't fast enough. I screamed as I felt the claws rake into me, the three deep cuts left on my back excruciating… and then I felt them start to burn.

_Shit… it…. Acid?_

It let out another screeching roar as it opened its jaws wide, moving forward like a striking serpent. I flung my hand out in front of me, my dagger held with a death grip. I got of lucky. It had struck, alright… but I had also taken out its eye. At the moment however, I was more concerned with the unbelievable pain of having my flesh sliced through by hundreds of needle teeth. I felt the bones in my arm crack as the jaws tightened around it, despite the yellow-red blood oozing from the monster's eye. I almost passed out from the pain right there – I've fought hundreds of monsters during my life, I've fought semi omni-potent beings… So why was I doing so badly against this one?

The answer was simple, really. I was in horrible condition to begin with, mentally and emotionally speaking. I couldn't focus, I couldn't think straight – my mind was a chaotic mess. And as I felt the jaws actually crush my arm… I got really, really pissed. I had had enough. Everything that had happened… Gaia, the Mist, Terra, Garland, Kuja… waking up from the dead… So much pain and confusion… Everything was jumbled and warped, and nothing made sense. I couldn't take it. I snapped. The familiar light of trance appeared around me, but it was different then usual – this time, it spiked out erratically, flashes of burning crimson mixed in with the familiar pink. I screamed in rage, and actually yanked my mostly destroyed arm out of its mouth, socking it in the face and ripping my dagger out of its ruined eye. It roared again, and I felt my eardrums rupture, blood pouring out of my ears. I ignored it – rational thought had left me at this point, leaving me running on pure rage and adrenaline. I fell to the ground with a sickening crunch, but somehow forced myself up.

"GRAND LEATHAL!"

The familiar brilliant light exploded out of me – but far stronger than ever before. The Iifa tree actually shock from the explosion, the monster burning from the energy. Barely a second passed between my finishing the attack and my lunging forward, stabbing the monster in the head and dragging the blade down it's front, ripping it open. It gave out a final screeching roar as it writhed… and then it collapsed to the ground, twitching in its death throws. I stood there for a moment, my arm hanging useless at my side, my back torn open and pouring blood… then the pink glow faded, and I collapsed onto the ground, unconscious before I so much as hit it.

Again.


	7. Emergence

I was beginning to get really tired of this passing-out thing. I woke up a lot faster than last time though – one second I was completely out of it, and the next fully awake. I blinked a few times, the smell of blood making my nose wrinkle up in disgust. Slowly, I turned my head over to the side, and stared at the corpse of the monster. It was… mutilated. The head and at least 8 feet worth of the body had been sliced open, the cut reaching about halfway through it in terms of depth… It's guts and… god-knows what else were spilled out all around it on the ground. I gagged, and felt bile rise in my throat. …And then, I noticed the massive oozing burns covering its body. I promptly turned my head the other way, and threw up. Well… more like dry-heaved, but whatever. Vomit's vomit. Ugh. Closing my eyes, I remembered the battle…

It was kind of blurry… it was especially hard to remember what had happened once I had tranced, but… I could remember how I had gone ballistic. And I could remember slicing it open. And… I could remember my Grand Lethal attack. That must have been where the burns had come from – but I honestly couldn't remember that attack doing anything like that before… Screw it. It didn't matter – the point was that I was alive, and it was dead.

_Ignoring, of course, the massive injuries I…_

I blinked again… and I realized something strange. I could hear. During the battle, the monster's sonic attack had completely ruptured my ear-drums (or at least, I was pretty sure it did), so… why could I hear the mournful wind currents in the Iifa tree blow past…? My ears still hurt – a lot, but… had I somehow…? I remembered where else I had been injured, and mentally checked them over. My back and arm hurt… they hurt a LOT… but no-where NEAR as much as they should have. Not really sure what to expect, I tried to move the fingers on the arm that had been crushed. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them move… and it barely hurt. Slowly, I raised my arm out in front of my face, and looked at it. I winced slightly, seeing the massive bruising (no doubt from horrendous internal bleeding), but then, I narrowed my eyes as I noticed something. I held my arm closer to my face, trying to see if I had really just seen what I thought I had.

…_The hell…?_

Right before my eyes, I could actually see the bruises fading way…. I stared, entranced as it changed from the purple-black color, to dark blotchy red, a sickly yellow-gray, and then…

The bruises were gone.

I jerked upright, my eyes wide, staring at it in mute amazement. It didn't escape my notice that my back didn't hurt anymore either. I craned my head back to see if the cuts were gone… and they were. If it weren't for the blood all over me, and the new gapping tears in the back of my vest, I would have wondered if I had ever been hurt in the first place. I placed a hand to my forehead, and scooted over to a nearby wall, leaning back. I let out a long, frustrated sigh.

"What the hell is happening to me!"

The only answer I got was the cold, stale air of the Iifa tree blowing through it, sounding as if it were the spirits of the dead crying.

… Maybe it was.

I didn't stay there for very long – there's a limit as to how long you can freak out about something (namely the fact that you _should_ be dead, and yet you _aren't_) while a dead corpse rots next to you. …A few minutes later, I had gotten up and left, refusing to look back at the remains of the monster. It kind of bothered me that it hadn't disappeared… with mist monsters, they usually do once you kill them… I didn't think about it too much though. Anyway, for the most part the rest of my journey through the Iifa tree was uneventful, save a few weak monsters, which I got rid of with next to no effort. My mind however… was not so peaceful.

It had happened twice now… the healing thing, I mean. The first time I could have chalked up as delusion or some kind of last gift from Kuja, but the second time… there really wasn't any explanation for that. It wasn't a bad thing – not really, just… it was… really disconcerting. I mean, I had never been able to heal like that before – not ever. And now, all of a sudden I'm… It was just creepy. Anyway, it really bothered me – I don't like things I can't figure out, and this fit the bill. Argh… I didn't like this at all… this kind of stuff was all supposed to be over now that we beat Garland… I mean… what if.…

_Stop thinking about it. Your mind's just running around in circles. Keep it up and you'll end up walking off a cliff by accident._

Finally, far ahead of me, I could see light in the distance. Real sunlight, not the green-tinted phosphorescent stuff of the Iifa tree. I started running, a smile gracing my face for the first time in what felt like years. I scrambled up the twisted branches and god-knows-what else, climbing like a maniac to reach the soft golden light that had managed to reach through what I hoped was a hole big enough for me to get through. And then, I reached it. It was barely big enough, but I squeezed through and burst out into the sunlight, a triumphant whoop issuing from me. I was grinning like a maniac as I stood out there on the ledge looking at the sunlit sky. I must have been at least a few hundred feet up, but frankly I couldn't care less.

It was the _sky_ – the beautiful open blue sky…


	8. First Meetings

Author Notes

> Alex is not based on any fictional or real person, and is of my own creation. As such, I own him, and I will hunt down and crush anyone who steals him.

> For more details on Alex (such as character stats, for those of you who feel so inclined to know exactly what each character can and cannot do), visit my profile page and look under Immortal Moon. This was previously contained at the end of this chapter, but I realized it took away from the story and moved it.

> This is not a yaoi – I repeat, THIS IS NOT A YAOI. As such, ZidanexDagger is the pairing here, though I might slip up from time to time. I'm more practiced when it comes to shonen-ai, so bear with me here.

* * *

It was several days later that I found out that Condie Petie had been completely blocked. I had walked all that way through the desert for nothing… And, because it was blocked, that meant there was only one other way to get to the other side of the mountains… 

I had to climb right over them.

It took another day of searching before I found what appeared to be an old abandoned trail… And an entire week passed before I finally reached the summit.

It wasn't a fun journey.

* * *

"Goddam fucking snow… It's a mountain chain in the middle of the fucking desert – so will someone please explain to me why the hell it's snowing up here…?" 

I continued to curse every snow deity I had ever heard of as I trekked up the barely-visible path, shivering like crazy under a small brown cape I had made from my tent. It had started snowing a few hours ago, and as I pushed through it, it only seemed to get worse. I honestly didn't know how I hadn't frozen to death already… but I was pretty damn close. My journey so far had been pretty straightforward – no killer monsters, no giant chasms, caves, or… snow storms. So, yeah, there really wasn't much to say about what had happened up till now.

Well… that's not entirely true, really. I had noticed some things about myself… I mean, things that had changed – like, I didn't have to eat as often. To tell you the truth, I probably didn't have to eat at all – but I sure didn't feel like testing the possibility. See, I would still feel hungry – but it would be kind of muted, and really easy to ignore, at least until I found something to eat. This applied for being thirsty, too. Personally, I didn't see that as something to complain about, but still… it was odd. What really got me about the food-thing though, is that no matter how long I went without food or water, I never got any weaker. You know how it is – your metabolism slowly shuts down from the lack of energy or whatever? Well, mine didn't. I could function just the same as normal, with the only drawback being a small gnawing hunger as if I hadn't eaten for a few hours or so… except I hadn't eaten for three days straight, and I hadn't drunk anything in a little over two. Honestly, I didn't test it 'cause I wanted to – (I didn't), I just didn't have a choice. There wasn't a whole lot of food out in the desert, especially in places where the mist had been particularly thick while the Iifa tree had been alive. As it was, I ended up living on monsters and scraggly little plants. And as for the water, I think that's kind of self-explanatory, considering I was in a fucking desert.

Another thing I had noticed about myself was that I didn't need to sleep as much. I've never really needed much sleep – I was known in Tantalus for wandering outside before sunrise wide awake and ready to go rob some unlucky jackass. Still, now I was probably only sleeping for about… four hours or so, because random stuff kept waking me up – like monsters trying to eat me, for instance. But despite this, I always woke up as if I had slept perfectly well. I stayed up once for two nights in a row, just to see if I could (hey – I was bored, and it wasn't as creepy as the food thing), and I did – but I fell asleep on the third from being bored out of my mind, and I was starting to get a little crabby besides. So apparently I did still need sleep – just a whole lot less of it.

For a while I thought I was going crazy, I really did.

There was some other stuff, some other changes I was going through… But I didn't find out about that stuff later. Or at least, I didn't notice it happening at the time…

I blinked, squinting through the harsh wind full of ice crystals. In the distance, I could see something – just barely… but if I didn't know better, I would say it was a person. Then again, when have I ever "known better" about _anything_? My eyes widened fractionally as I saw them collapse in the snow, their reddish-brown cloak fluttering around them.

"Heeeeeey! You okay?"

I ran over to them (not exactly an easy thing to do, considering I was tromping through 6inches of freaking snow…), now sure that I wasn't hallucinating, and that there actually was a person in front of me. One who had just fallen down, and appeared to be unconscious. They had been pretty far ahead of me, so it took a while to reach them. Once I did, I didn't bother looking them over too much, other than making sure they were genuinely out of it.

Out here, in the storm… they would die from exposure, if I didn't find shelter for them, and fast.

It didn't occur to me at the time that the same logic should apply to me… or that I wasn't suffering nearly as much as I should, considering my make-shift brown cloak was now basically white, and I had next to no protection from the cold besides… Though in retrospect, it probably wouldn't have surprised me too much, had I really thought about it.

The thing about deserts is that most people think they're boiling 24 hours a day. They aren't. They're freezing at night, and you could easily die of hypothermia if you didn't have shelter. Thankfully, I was able to find a tent I had dropped during my attempt to reach Kuja, and had been using it ever sense. Currently it was draped over my shoulders, as I said before. Anyway, the thing about these tents is that they're spelled to stay warm (or cool) no matter what the outside conditions were, so I never actually encountered the biting cold of the desert night. As it was, the charms finally gave out when I was about halfway up the mountain, and had been fully non-functional ever sense.

Despite this… I was fine. In fact, I had been fine the entire trek up, save a little uncomfortable.

I grabbed their shoulder and shook them, while I tried to yell over the howling wind… but they were out cold. No pun intended. I really didn't have to think about it – I hefted them onto my back, and trudged onward, my new goal being to find shelter as fast as possible.

I wonder… how many people would have left them there…

My thoughts had gotten a tad more morbid lately. Obviously.

I don't really know how much time passed – it felt like hours, though it probably wasn't nearly that long. But finally, I saw a dark spot in the distance. A cave, sheltered by an outcropping of rock and boulders nestled in a cliff wall. I ran to it, kicking up the snow as I did. I had never, ever been so happy to see a cave in my whole damn life. The tunnel that led into it was about 10 feet long – and small enough that you had to crouch in order to get through it. But once you reached the end, it widened out into a circular cavern, probably about 15 feet across. I stared blankly for a moment, then blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. It wasn't… furnished, per say, but it had definitely been some sort of shelter in the past. Along the stone walls, a number of shelves were crudely chiseled out, various jars and boxes sitting on them. Near the back of the cave was a large stack of wood, and next to it a lopsided pile of old blankets. Throughout the cave various odds and ends were scattered – old broken bowls, an ancient staff, a decrepit old basket… I walked to the back of the cave, and gently lowered the person I had carried there off my back to the ground. I quickly took off their now soaking-wet cloak, and replaced it with several of the old blankets. I didn't bother looking at them, really – I figured I could do that once I had a fire going. I got lucky – the wood was dry, and there was enough tinder to start a nice blaze. Heaping it in a small pile near where I had put down the person, I clicked my daggers together a few times; eventually managing to create enough sparks to create a flame. I spent the next few minutes tending the fire, and making sure it wouldn't go out. The warmth was wonderful – but it made my hands hurt a lot… which wasn't really a good sign. God, talk about irony – everything I've lived through, only to get done in by frostbite. Damn, that would really suck…

Though in retrospect, I doubt I could have gotten frostbite even if I had wanted to.

Anyway, once I was sure the fire was fine, I took off my cloak, as it was now making me colder instead of warmer, and wrapped one of the blankets around me. Then, I sat plopped down next to the person and looked them over. They were in bad shape… they weren't even shivering anymore, and it sure wasn't because they had gotten warm. However, I could see a faint white mist issuing from their mouth, and I could see their chest rising and falling… so they were alive, though barely. I frowned, wishing I had paid more attention when Daggar had been teaching Eiko about taking care of someone who had practically been frozen… But I hadn't, so for now I was basically doing this blind… so the best I could do was try to gradually warm them up, and keep them from getting cold. I wondered vaguely, if a potion might help (I had found some during the trek up the mountain), but from the looks of it, it wouldn't – at least not really. Better to save them for once they woke up. So now all I really could do was watch and wait. I looked over at them, curious about what they actually looked like. They were very, very pale – though I think that was from the cold, and had straight black hair that hung around their shoulders, not unlike mine would if I didn't keep it tied back. Though their face appeared delicate, I could tell they were male – probably a few years younger than me. Their – his – lips were blue, another bad sign. I wondered what on Gaia this kid thought he was doing, wandering through the mountains like that – and by himself, no less. I mean, I at least was kinda used to this sort of crap… but this boy looked like he had lived a pretty sheltered life – sort of like Daggar had, only not as extreme. I doubted he had done anything like this before…

After a while of sitting there, I finally realized something a bit strange… I was a lot less cold then I should be. In fact, I had been a lot better off then I should have been for most of the trek through the goddam snow.

…Wonderful. That's just what I needed – another bizarre aspect about myself that had randomly shown up within the past few days. Well, at least it was more subtle than the healing thing… not to mention a little less disturbing. Ever sense the incident with the wyrm, there hadn't been any other times when I had gotten hurt, really… or more specifically, there hadn't been any other times for my… ability, to kick in. So… it was kind of strange. My memories of getting out of the Iifa tree had gotten pretty foggy – I could barely remember that I had gotten hurt at all…

But I remembered the blind terror.

And I remembered the massive agony of coming back to life – excruciating pain both mentally and physically…

I was sure I had died, now, when the Iifa tree had gone berserk… I was sure that I had felt my heart start beating again, once I had destroyed the roots holding me pinned in the air, imbedded in me… though I still hadn't figured out _how_ I had destroyed them, exactly.

I winced, and shook my head. I had forced myself to try and remember it a few times, to try and understand what had happened to me… But all I could really remember were emotions and sensations… and those were fading. It made me feel sick to think about it… whatever it was that had happened to me. It scared me, and I didn't _want_ to remember, not really…

God, I hated it. All of this crap was supposed to end once we defeated Kuja… or hell, even Garland.

But here I was… and I couldn't understand any of what was happening to me, or why…

Well… there was… one possibility, but… gods; I didn't want to think about it. If it was true, what Garland had said to me on Terra… then…

… There was a good reason I never told any of the others what he had said to me. I guess they all assumed I had freaked out when I found out I had been created as a soulless vessel, or something like that… I wasn't really sure how much they knew…

But that wasn't it – sure, it bothered me - it bothered me a lot, but… the real reason I freaked out… was something else entirely. There's no way they could have known, unless Mikoto had told them, and I doubted she had. Sure, I wouldn't be surprised if she called me by my… title, a few times, but I highly doubt she ever actually _explained_ it. Certainly not in a way they would have understood, at least.

I shut my eyes and leaned back against the cold unfeeling stone, and whispered what Garland had said to me, only the wind of the mountains and an unconscious boy as my witnesses.

"…An angel of death… Destined to live among the stars for all eternity. You have the power, the position, and the motive to do it…"

_Did he really mean that literally…?_

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I heard a soft rustling sound and a tired groan. I turned around to look over at the kid, and smiled, distracted from my thoughts of the past for the time being.

"So… I guess you aren't dead, after all. That's good."

"Eh…?"

Blearily, the boy opened his eyes (they were an amber-tinted brown) and looked over at me.

"…Who are you?"

"The name's Zidane – I found you collapsed out there in the snow. I couldn't just let you die, so I carried you until I found this place."

I waved my hand nonchalantly around the cave. The boy squinted into the gloom, trying to make out where we were. Admittedly, it was pretty hard to see past the circle of light the fire gave off.

"…A cave?"

"Yeah – the weirdest thing… I think it must have been some kind of shelter for travelers at one point, 'cause there was a bunch of stuff laying around – like those blankets you're wearing."

He looked down at the blankets and nodded, then looked back over at me.

"Thank you… I really didn't think I was going to make it. And I guess if you hadn't come along, I wouldn't have… Thank you."

I rubbed the back of my head with my hand and shook my head.

"Don't worry about it – it's no problem."

Suddenly he gasped, and his eyes widened, his actions startling me a little.

"Hey…! This is Iron Cave! This is where I was heading before – I was planning on waiting out the storm here… The last thing I remember, I was at least 5 miles from here…! You carried me 5 freaking miles?"

I blinked slowely, not quite sure how to respond to that.

"Five miles…? Are you sure? 'Cause I was carrying you for a long time, but five miles…?"

"Well…"

His slight flush lit up his face.

"If you stayed on the path, then yes – that was five miles. I can't believe you carried me so far, honestly."

I stared blankly at him.

"There was a path?"

"You… you're joking, right?"

"No…"

"You climbed… over the freaking… oh geeze. No wonder it didn't feel like 5 miles to you – you took the only shortcut. A freaking avalanche zone…"

"…Oh."

"M'hm."

There was an awkward silence for a moment, then a snicker. I snorted. I guess we just couldn't help it – the complete idiocy of the situation had hit us, and we burst out into barely contained laughter. It was just so… stupid, it was funny. Eventually, the mildly hysterical giggling died down, and I turned back to him.

"So, kid… what's your name?"

He smiled softly as he gazed into the fire.

"…I haven't had anyone ask me that in years."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind – my name's Alex. It's nice to meet you, Zidane."

He smiled at me, then held out a hand, which I shook.

"Oh – and by the way…"

He continued dryly.

"I'm not a kid – I'm 16 years old, not 12 or something."

I blinked again, somewhat confused by his words.

"…I never said you were a KID kid – I thought you had to be around 14-18 from the start…"

I gave him a confused look. This time, HE blinked.

"Really? Most people automatically think I'm a little kid at first sight…"

"I can't imagine why – you're only about a head shorter than me, maybe less."

"Wait – how old are _you_?"

I opened my mouth to answer, then remembered that I wasn't one hundred percent sure… See, I've always tried to avoid this question, sense I never actually knew when I was born. Well, I counted my birthday as the day I met Tantalus, and I Ithink/I I was around 6 at the time, so…

"I'm 22… I think. I don't actually know when my real birthday is, because I was adopted."

"That sucks… that you don't know when your birthday is, I mean."

"Yeah, I guess…"

I looked into the small flames of the fire, not really wanting to discuss the matter. I guess Alex got the hint, because he didn't push the issue. We spent the next few hours talking about whatever random thoughts struck us, separated by periods of peaceful silence.

It was nice having someone to talk to – even better to be able to talk with them without worrying about the fate of the world in the back of your mind. Alex kind of reminded me of Dagger a little, but with more of an attitude… Kinda like a mix between her and me, with some Vivi thrown in. …I was bored, okay? So sue me.

"So, Alex – you know why I was wandering around up here now, so… how about you?"

Admittedly, I hadn't really been truthful when I told him why I was climbing around in the mountains… I kinda gave him a seriously watered down and vague version of things. It had still taken a while to tell him, though, and he had been avoiding talking about his reasons… I could tell. He looked a little nervous at my question, and kind of… embarrised, somehow?

"I… I was part of a caravan, which stopped by the mountains to let me and a few others get off. We were supposed to find a special gem, and then meet the caravan on the other side in a few weeks – that was back when the Condie Peite Mountain Path was still open, so they've probably gotten to the other side by now. But during the earthquake made by those giant roots, we got separated, and I've been looking for them and the gem ever sence."

He paused for a moment, then continued.

"I think they're probably alright… We were relatively near the rendezvous point when we got separated. Chances are they went on – that's the general procedure… Try to find the other person, and if you can't, get back to the main group. Then you go back and look for them later, while they try to find a designated shelter and wait. Except… I don't think they can come back. My best chance of meeting up with them again is to try and intercept the caravan somehow… I know the route, so… but I need that stupid gem…! And for the life of me, I can't figure out where the hell it is…! And—"

As I watched him grow increasingly frustrated, I cut him off, placing a hand over his mouth.

"Wait wait wait wait – back up. What's so important about this gem that you can't go and find your friends first? I mean, if it's just treasure that doesn't make any sense… So there must be something important about it."

I moved my hand away from his mouth, to let him speak.

"It's…"

He paused, and I nodded for him to go on.

"You'll probably think I'm crazy, but there are these summon spirits, that live within these gems, and—"

"You mean Eidolons?"

He broke off mid sentence and stared at me.

"You… you know about the Eidolons?"

"Yeah…"

I was a little confused by his response… I mean, yeah – most people didn't know about the Eidolons or Summoners, let alone the connection to the gems – but I didn't think it was _that_ unusual… Then again, considering I was friends with two Summoners, it wasn't really surprising I knew a lot, but still… Most people who actually knew of the Summoners thought they were _extinct_. Why is it that no one ever tells me that knowing this kind of stuff makes people stare at you…? I frowned slightly. Why the heck was this kid looking for Eidolons? It made sense that we (me, Dagger, Eiko, and the others) had been on the lookout for gems – I mean, we had had two Summoners in the party after all… But… I thought they were the last. And without a summoner, or an unbelievably powerful harnessing spell, the stones were basically useless. I shuffled around so I was sitting in front of Alex, balancing on the balls of my feet. I reached forward and (completely ignoring personal space) lifted the bangs covering his forehead, squinting my eyes.

_Nope. No horn, no scar… nothing. _

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing…?"

He glared at me and lightly smacked my hand away.

"…Well, to be honest I was trying to see if you had a horn – or at least a scar."

Not surprisingly, he stared at me, his mouth partially open.

"You were looking… for a HORN?"

"Yeah… I thought you might be a summoner, or something…"

"What the heck does having a horn have to do with being a summoner?"

"They all have horns, unless they've been removed – it's let's them communicate with the Eidolons. You're hunting for Eidolons and you didn't know…?"

He looked away, and muttered something under his breath. I couldn't make out what he said, but I could hear the pain in it. I frowned deeper, not liking the suddenly bitter tone his voice had taken on.

"Alex… ARE you a Summoner?"

He murmured his response, not looking up at me.

"…My grandmother was a Summoner from Madain Sari. She got lost at sea many years ago, and crashed onto the shores of our island. It took many months for her to recover, and during that time she fell in love with my grandfather. She never left… My mother was a Summoner – or at least, she had the potential to be, but she never left the island to pursue the Eidolons."

"Pursue…? Oh – you mean because none of them were awake in her?"

"Not exactly… those of us who are of Summoner descent possess the potential power to be Summoners ourselves – but unlike with pure Summoners, we _must_ come into contact with the gems, or we can't awaken ANY of our powers… For pure Summoners, the gems are just tools that speed up the natural process, but for people like me, they're essential…"

"Oh… I guess that makes sense…"

I trailed off, thinking of the gems I had found during my time with the party, as we traveled all over the world… and then some.

"Hey, Alex…"

He looked up at me, looking slightly forlorn.

"Why exactly do you want the Eidolons…? I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, of course – it just seems like a whole lot of work…"

He sighed deeply, and pulled the blankets a little tighter around him.

"My home… is in danger. We've lived in isolation for years… I can't believe I'm telling you this, I honestly can't – and we barely ever leave, except on caravans and fishing trips. As far as I know, none of us have ever been to the Mist Continent in hundreds of years… Our history is very long. But you see, some of us were originally Summoners, though only a few – and they erected a magical barrier to keep those with ill intent out of our home, or even detecting it's existence."

I raised my eyebrows, a look of understanding lighting up my face.

"Oh…! Yeah, that's like Cleyra and the Black Mage Village…!"

Alex just gave me a confused look, and I gestured to never mind. Shrugging, he continued.

"Anyway, normally it only takes the magic of a normal mage – any sort, black, white, blue, green… to reinforce the barrier. But because of the constant issues with the Iifa Tree lately, it's somehow… interfered with it, so it's up to me to repair it."

"Ohhh… so that's why. That makes sense."

He looked at me somewhat incredulously.

"You're very… trusting, not to mention accepting…"

I smiled wryly, my voice taking on a bit of a cynical tone.

"It seems that way, yeah – but when you've seen as much weird crap as I have, not a whole lot seems impossible anymore… or even unlikely."

I paused, thoughtfully for a moment.

"But back to what you were saying – about the original Summoners? What about their descendants? Shouldn't they be capable of summoning too, like you are?"

Alex shook his head no.

"Technically, they should, but so many generations have passed that it's become very rare. Sure, every few decades someone turns up with the ability, but as of now… I'm the only one."

He sighed, placing a hand on his forehead as he slumped back against the stone wall. I watched his actions silently, mentally thinking about the relatively large number of gems I was carrying around with me. Some of them didn't contain Eidolons to my knowledge – but Eiko could use some of the gems that Dagger couldn't, and visa versa…

Maybe it differed from Summoner to Summoner…?

If so, then the ones I had might just be exactly what Alex was looking for. Still musing the idea over, I spoke.

"Hey Alex? What gem was it you were looking for, specifically?"

"It was a Moonstone – it's said to contain the Eidolon Lunaris… She holds power over water and that which is sacred, or so my Grandmother's books say."

I mentally ran over all the gems I had with me as I nodded, a mischievous smile sneaking slowly onto my face. True – I had left practically all of my stuff with the others before I went after Kuja (I didn't think I was coming back, to be honest), but I had found some on my journey through the desert and up the mountain. As I spoke, my left had crept slowly into the pouch at my side where I kept my accessories.

"Lunaris, huh? Never heard of her… Which is kind of funny, considering I've been carrying her stone around all this time."

I lifted my hand over Alex's lap, the milky-white crystal held between my thumb and forefinger, and dropped it into his lap. His hands darted out and snatched it, his eyes wide.

"Is this what I think it is?"

He looked over at me and gasped as I nodded, then closely examined the pale white stone.

"It – it really is a Moonstone…!"

A look of utter amazement on his face, he looked back up at me.

"This… you're giving it to me?"

"I don't see why I shouldn't – I mean, it's not like I'm using it."

I smiled crookedly, and rubbed the back of my head. His face was beaming, and threw his arms around my neck like a little kid so hard I almost fell over.

"Thank you so much! I'll never forget this – thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

I laughed at his sentence, barely managing to discern what the heck he had said, then lightly shoved him off me. He looked down at the Moonstone, cradled protectively in his hands, now giving off a soft while glow now that it was in the hands of a compatible Summoner.

I smiled, and I couldn't help but feel just a little bit happier inside.


	9. First Mistake

Author Notes:

> Some of your have asked if Zidane's appearance has or is going to change - a common occurrence in many post-Iifa fics. However, unlike the bulk of them, Zidane's physical appearance will not change in this story. He will remain the blond huggable thief we all know and love.

> On the other hand, his outfit is basically shredded (Alex hasn't seen this yet, because Zidane has been wearing a blanket over it the whole time they've known each other... a grand total of a few hours), so he probably will have to get a new one for a while. However, he will get his original outfit back near the end of the story, in order to keep game-accuracy... maybe he has extra copies back at the Tantalus hideout. Anyway, the new outfit will probably look quite similar to the original, and once he has it I'll put a link to a drawing of it in my profile. Speaking of which, I'm working on some picture of Alex...

* * *

I stretched my arms out in front of me to try and get the stiffness out of them, smiling at the sunlight streaming in shyly, making a few rainbows on the walls where it was scattered by passing through the ice. Behind me, Alex moved around as well, trying to get the kinks out of his back from leaning against a stone wall for most of the night. We had decided to take turns watching the fire, to make sure it wouldn't go out, but we both slept fairly well all the same. Admittedly, I had given Alex a couple more hours to sleep, knowing he would need it more than me... but he didn't need to know that. The old tent I had been using as a cloak while I had been trudging up the mountains was beaten to utter shit, now that I actually looked at it... So that meant I would have to take one of the less... ah... sturdy blankets from the cave. Alex meanwhile was cleaning up the place, which he explained with part of the rules of using the shelters - you had to leave them either in the same condition or better than how it was when you found it. However, the place had been pretty crappy when we showed up, and it wasn't like we had any new supplies to leave there... Eventually, he gave up on trying to make it better, and just settled for shoving the ashes into a corner. After that was done, we decided to see what we could do about pooling our supplies together into one big inventory, so we'd know what we'd have to take from the cave. It hadn't been a decision that we were going to travel together, per say. It was just kind of... obvious. I mean, I couldn't just leave Alex and go my own way - we were friends now, right? Why should I, anyway? It wouldn't really serve any purpose, and we'd both be better off traveling together. Besides, I didn't really want to. I had gotten pretty lonely traveling around by myself... I guess I was kinda spoiled after hanging around with seven other people for so long.

With all our stuff heaped together in a pile between us, we sorted it out into smaller ones, one for various restorative items, one for food, and so on. The food situation wasn't exactly... uplifting. We had next to nothing, two loafs of bread (courtesy of Alex), a small heap of random (though edible) plants that I found while climbing up the mountains (before I reached the snow-point), and some other scraps. I had more or less accepted at this point that it wouldn't be much of a problem for me, sense I didn't really have to eat much anymore. However... there was Alex to worry about. And it wasn't like I could just say "You have it all - I don't have to eat anymore for some reason... no worries."... I mean, common. There was no _way_ I could just... you know... not eat, without causing some questions I'd really rather avoid. Hell, _I _didn't know the answers... Like I said before, I had left most of my inventory behind when I had chased after Kuja - but I had found some new stuff lying around in the roots of the Iifa tree, the desert, and the mountains... So I guess about half of the stuff in the pile was mine. Including the pouch sitting slightly off to the side, containing all of the jewels I had with me. I hadn't told Alex about them yet, though I guess I should have. I figured that sense he could only work on one stone at a time anyway, that it wouldn't really matter. There was more important stuff to worry about for now... There was a lot of them - rubies, sapphires, topazes, aquamarines, garnets, amethysts, peridots, opals... all of the gems that had held Eidolons that Garnet had been able to summon. Of course, there were others - diamonds, moonstones, emeralds, lapis lazuli, and a big pile of ore. I didn't have any of my Phoenix Pinions, Ribbons, Dark Matters, or Pumice's anymore, though. Those had been somewhere else, though I can't actually remember where, specifically. Anyway, we ended up with a fair amount of items between us - some I had never actually heard of before. I mean, a High-Ether? A Megalixer? I didn't even know a lot of this stuff existed. Alex said that some of them were native to his island, others not. Apparently most of them had been developed _ages_ ago, and most people had forgotten how they were made. According to lore, the knowledge had been given to their ancestors centuries ago, by some traveling mage... or something along those lines, he didn't really remember. We had a ton of Potions, High-Potions, Ethers, and Phoenix Down's. We had a few Mega-Potions, a handful of Full-Potions, High-Ethers, Mega-Ethers, and Full Ethers. We had a single Megalixer, and 3 normal Elixers... and a fair amount of Remedies, Antidotes, Eye Drops, Vaccines, Annoyntments, Magic Tags, Softs, and Echo Screens. So yeah, we had a pretty good inventory.

It didn't take too long to split it up between us, maybe a little over a few minutes. I looked up as I heard Alex stand up and stretch out his arms in front of him. He yawned loudly, then scratched the back on his head.

"Are we done yet?"

I nodded and stood up as well, and leaned back in a stretch of my own.

"Yeah - I think we're done."

Coming back to an upright position, I rolled my shoulders a few times, a blanket still wrapped around me. Alex had taken his off a while ago, replacing it with his origional cloak now that it had dried by the heat of the fire. He looked at me questioningly, and I blinked at the expression.

"...What?"

"Why are you still wearing that?"

I looked down at the old blanket, then back at Alex.

"Because I don't have anything better...?"

He cocked his head to the side, and his eyes flickered to the mostly destroyed tent I had used as a makeshift cloak.

"I guess so. But..."

His eyes flickered back to the worn blanket, then to my face.

"Why not chose a better one? I mean, that one's almost as bad as that canvas thing you wore up here."

I shrugged at the suggestion, not really caring all that much about the condition of the blanket. I mean, unless there was another blizzard, chances were I wouldn't be all that affected by the cold... whereas anyone else would be practically frozen. I grimaced inside, but I was able to keep my face neutral. Somewhere along the line, I had decided not to tell Alex about my... problem... or any of the stranger aspects of my story. So, to keep up the pretence of semi-normality, that meant I couldn't make it obvious that there was something strange about me. So without thinking about it to much, I slid the blanket off my shoulders, with the intention of getting a better one like he suggested. However... as Alex's face suddenly turned very, very pale and he stumbled back a few steps, I remembered all of a sudden _why_ I hadn't taken it off before. My eyes widened a little as I froze, the blanket lying forgotten on the ground. 


	10. Confrontation Delayed

My first impression was that Alex had a very girly scream. The second was that it was very, very loud. It was then that I learned for the first time that having freakishly good hearing was not necessarily a good thing. The sound was unbearable, as if it were actually within my head, loud enough to make the dead hear again and get up screaming because of it. I was almost knocked back by the shock of it, the pain making it hard to keep standing.

"SHUT UP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, _SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!"_

My own yells only made the pain worse, making it feel like a giant wave had crashed down on me while carrying tons of rocks. It was _horrible_, though not the worst thing I had ever experienced... But it almost made me collapse to my knees, my hands clamped over my head. Finally, the echoing pain stopped and I realized the cave was silent except for my labored breathing and Alex's softer breaths. Slowly, I lowered my hands and looked back up at Alex, who was staring at me in a strange combination of confusion and horror. I grimaced weakly, and rubbed the back of my head sheepishly.

"Please... please never do that again. Please?"

Alex nodded slowly, eyes wide, and I sighed quietly. I looked down at myself, then back at Alex.

"Y'know... I'll admit I probably look pretty bad, but was it really something to freak out and start screaming over?"

I laughed awkwardly, trying to aliviate the tenseness of the situation. He gaped at me for a few moments, then yelled out again - though mercifully much more quietly this time, sounding near hysterical.

"You're _covered_ in _BLOOD_ as if you had just taken a bath in it, your clothing is barely hanging on you and it's almost completely destroyed, there are _stab_ marks and _burns_ all over the parts that are actually distinguishable, you have a tail, AND YOU TELL ME NOT TO FREAK OUT...!"

I blinked and looked around at my tail, which dangled a little tiredly behind me.

"...What d'ya got against tails?"

Alex let out a muffled scream of frustration, throwing his hands up over his head as if in utter exasperation... much to my amusement.

"That's not the point! You look like you've... you've... GODS! I don't even _have_ a word for what you look like!"

"Well... the blood's dry, isn't it?"

"Oh god... you're unbelievable."

He collapsed to his knees and leaned against the wall, one hand on the ground to steady him and the other on his forehead. He shook his head, then looked back up at me, appearing very tired and not at all amused.

"...So you're not hurt?"

I shook my head negative, and he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.

"...Good. If you ever do that to me again, I _will_ kill you, understand?"

I stared at him for a moment and then smiled awkwardly for what felt like the billionth time.

_Well... I guess this just about flushes the whole hide-my-weirdness thing down the toilet. _

After an undesirable amount of time filled with awkward silence, Alex finally broke the quiet by sighing (also for the seemingly billionth time... he did that _a lot_...) and standing up. He dusted his hands off against his pants, then walked over to the bag he had put his share of the items into. After digging through it for a minute or two, he pulled out some unidentifiable cloth things and threw them at me. I caught them, then looked at them in mild confusion.

"What's this?"

"It's clothing - it'll probably be a bit small on you, but sense it was baggy on me it'll probably work."

He glanced back at me out of the corner of his eye.

"...For now, I'm not going to ask why you're in that condition. Sense you didn't mention it before, you probably had a reason... But I do want to know why eventually, and you _will_ tell me."

He seemed to be warning me. It kind of creeped me out, actually... It sort of reminded me of a few of the times Eiko had threatened me - not intrinsically threatening, but still oddly frightening. He glanced at the tunnel that lead to the cave's entrance, and spoke without looking at me.

"It's too bad it's freezing out... you're going to get dried blood and god-only knows what else all over those cloths."

I smiled cheekily, cheering up a little.

"...You sound like my brother. Would you prefer if I just went naked? Y'know, to keep them clean?"

Only my thieving skills and split-second reflexes, honed over my entire life span, enabled me to dodge the ensuing onslaught of random objects being hurtled at my head by a rather annoyed brunette.


	11. Author Note 02 and Zidane's Dream

I'm going to begin this off with a letter of sorts, to explain why I haven't posted any new chapters.

Dear readers,

As you may have noticed, I haven't updated this story in quite a while. Don't worry - I will eventually, and I have no intention of letting it die whatsoever. However, for the past few weeks I've been killed by seemingly endless end-of-the-year tests and am only starting to recover. That's the first reason there's been a distinct lack of new chapters. The second is, that when I write, I often use music as inspiration. Unfortunately, Ipods (as we all know) are more messed up than a small child on crack. Hence my screaming at it and considering throwing it in a pool (I didn't ultimately). Because of my lack of music (damn you Apple!) any chapters that I've written have been basically utter crap.

While we're on the note of crappy chapters, some people have pointed out to me that the previous two are rather short and error-filled. That's because I wanted to post them as soon as I could... Maybe not such a good idea in retrospect. I might go back and edit the whole story, once it's done - but who knows. Some good news is that I've finished the concept are of Zidane's new look, and I'll be posting it on Deviantart when I get the chance. Err... I guess I'll post my account too.

Anyway, I want to thank you all for being such great reviewers, and giving me such good feedback and support. It's a really nice feeling, knowing someone likes what you write, and is willing to help you improve it. Without being mean, that is. You've all been very courteous, and kind, and I really do appreciate it.

I've also found out that entire chapters aren't supposed to be taken up by author notes... Which I didn't before... And I also feel a bit guilty about not posting anything. So, here's a little Omake that is strangely angsty AND related to the story! Oh yeah - and if you can't figure out who the character(s) are, and where it takes place, then... well, I don't own them.

YAY OMAKES!

Zidane's Dream

_Well... this is odd. _

He blinked as he looked around at his surroundings, a place he had never seen anything quite like before. It appeared to have been some kind of city years ago, and must have been very impressive... But now the whole place was in ruins and covered in vines and plant life. Something in the back of his mind said that it was for the better, and he shrugged mentally. He didn't see any people, or signs of life other than the green forest that was surrounding him... Nor were there any signs that anyone had been here in a very long time. Not really sure what he was doing, he put his hand in his mouth and let out a shrill whistle.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeey! Anybody here...?"

There was no answer - not even an echo. He sighed, knowing that further calls would be useless and crossed his arms. Where the heck was he, anyway? And why was he there? For that matter, how did he get there in the first place? As if sensing his frustration, a calming breeze blew past him, caressing his face and making his hair dance in the wind. He closed his eyes as it blew past him, as if it were pulling him forward. Vaguely, something in the back of his mind told him that he was dreaming, but he ignored it and walked forward. His feet silent on the moss and grass, he blinked as he saw a child dart out from behind what had once been a building and behind another, giggling.

"He-- Hey! Wait!"

He rushed after the child, his tail whipping out lightly behind him. He dashed around a corner and skidded to a stop, seeing the child in front of him. It was a little girl, with short brownish-red hair and deep blue eyes. She wore a simple white dress with blue and purple edgings, that tied at the back of her next, and a simple necklace with what looked like a small golden-white stone hanging from the black thread. Her shoes were simple, not quite like anything he had ever seen before, with out any thing to fasten them at all, and blue soles. The rest of them were white with purple and indigo stripes. She giggled at Zidane's clueless look, then darted out of sight again. With a slight gasp, he followed after her, chasing her as if they were playing tag instead of being two strangers in a random city covered in foliage.

_What am I doing...? _

Finally, she stopped running. He felt like his lungs were going to explode, he had been chasing her for so long.

_How does one little kid run for so long?_

"Are you okay, mister?"

She said with a smile and a barely concealed giggle, her hands clasped in front of her. Zidane, who was panting with his hands on his knees, looked up at her.

"Ah... sure. But what are you doing out here? I mean..."

This time the girl cocked her head to the side, looking at him questioningly.

"You really don't know, do you?"

"Huh?"

She smiled softy, as if hiding a secret. Zidane stood up straight now, and looked down at the little girl, confusion evident on his face. She walked up to him and then around him in a circle, as if evaluating him.

"You remind me of a friend of mine. He didn't know either."

She laughed again, clapping her hands together.

"You've got really similar eyes, too. That same blue."

Now completely confused, Zidane crouched down to her level.

"Okay... so... do you know where we are?"

She nodded, but said nothing.

"Alright then - where are we?"

She giggled again, Zidane realizing that it was something the little girl had a rather large habit of doing.

"Oh, neither of us our really here. You're just dreaming."

He raised an eyebrow at the smiling girl.

"Dreaming?"

"Yup..."

She turned around and started to walk away, leaving Zidane to follow.

"You'll be going through a lot again, soon. And your friends won't be there to help you, this time. But you'll have new ones. They'll help you make it home to where you belong, don't worry."

She paused as they reached a clearing, a strange green liquid sparkling in a pool in the center. Zidane gasped as light danced off of it, looking like liquid magic. She looked up at him, her smile a little wider from his obvious wonder.

"That's the Lifestream. It's not from your world, or mine. But we both have a lot in common with it."

She faced him now, his eyes torn away from the green sparkles towards her sudden somber expression.

"There was another, not unlike you once. He had power that he didn't understand or want... He was from this world. And like you did with your home, he fought to save it. But in the end..."

She frowned slightly.

"Though he and his friends succeeded, he realized one day that they were growing old and dieing, and he wasn't. He could do things that other's couldn't, and now the words of the one he had defeated came to haunt him. He said to him, **"You are just a puppet... You have no heart... and cannot feel any pain"**. He was like you... a puppet, whose purpose was something he had never wanted."

He took a hesitant step back, suddenly a little frightened by the child.

"But now... with his strings cut, and no master, there was no one to tell him what to do with his power - no one who could possibly understand, save one. He suffered."

He found himself suddenly wishing he was somewhere, anywhere, else. It wasn't that he was afraid of the girl... it was that he was afraid of what she was about to say... what she knew.

"Your strings, though not nearly as tight as his were, have been cut as well."

The Lifestream suddenly exploded out of the pool, making him yell and fall back onto the ground as it floated around the girl like some kind of nebula.

"You've both denied your given purposes. He made a new one, one for _himself_ - and he still lives. And you have to, too. Or else..."

She closed her eyes as the world suddenly erupted in green light.

"You will break."

_But what about... her? Isn't she enough...?_

"No. I'm sorry."

And then there was nothing.  



	12. Laughter

Note: Some Alex - Zidane fluff in this chapter... I couldn't help myself. " But again, I repeat that Alex and Zidane are NOT going to be paired in this story. I can't help it that Alex is so cute... Also, a virtual cookie to anyone who can figure out where the quote in this chapter came from. Oh yeah - and some for anyone who can guess the location, girl, and the person she was talking about in Zidane's Dream during the last chapter. Then again, as I used my own spin on the abilities and traits of said person, you might not be able to get it, sense I was referencing some of my own story ideas...

* * *

We had been walking for a few hours now - somewhere due east, judging on the sun. But then again, I didn't know all that much about navigation in the first place. Alex seemed to know where we were going, though... vaguely. It had stopped snowing before we had set out, and now it was pleasantly warm and the sun was shining. I hadn't thought it could get so warm and sunny somewhere and still have snow coving the ground. However... the change in weather wasn't necessarily a good thing. If it was warm and the sun was shining, that meant that there was a much larger chance of an avalanche, or other snow-related disaster. Which sucked. A lot. We hadn't spoken all that much, because of that. We figured the less sound we made, the better. We stopped for a break at about noon, since we couldn't tell what direction we should be moving in till the sun started setting a little. I wasn't too worried... I figured we had made pretty good time today, and the weather didn't show any real chance of deteriorating. Still... I looked over at Alex, who seemed to be grateful for the break from trudging through the snow. Good weather or not, it was still going to get a lot colder that night, and we didn't have a shelter. I frowned, deciding to keep an eye out for any possibilities, in case we had to backtrack.

Also... there hadn't been any monsters. I thought it was a bit strange, but I figured why complain about something good? Or at least... I _thought_ it was a good thing.

Boy, was I wrong... But I wouldn't find out about that till later.

"So... Alex. Where did you say this island of yours was, again?"

He blinked and looked up and me, apparently jerked out of his thoughts.

"My...? Oh - right. It's called _Eien_, by the way."

He gave me a look as if to say he had already told me that several times. Which he might have, for all I knew.

"It's... it's hard to say where it is exactly... because of the shield spells and illusions... But I think it's safe to say that it's North. Really, really far north."

I just stared at him while he squirmed nervously under my incredulous look.

"Okay, fine. I'll admit it - I don't really have a clue where it is. I don't know a damn thing about navigation and this really is the first time I've ever left, save for a few ocean trips. So you see, I was depending on the others and meeting up with the caravan this whole time. Once we were reunited, we would travel around a while... Then meet the boat at the coast and sail home."

He sighed, and rested his head on his knees (his legs were pulled up to his chest).

"Yeah, yeah... go ahead and laugh."

There was a pause. He jerked up and stared at me, mouth agape as I burst out laughing loudly.

"I didn't mean that LITTERALLY!"

I calmed down pretty fast, trailing off into chuckles.

"I'm _joking_ Alex, joking. It's not that big a deal you don't know where your island is - hell, I doubt most people know how to find there way from one side of Lindbulm to the other."

At his blank stare, I explained about Lindblum to him - how it was my home, a city, the aircabs... All that sort of stuff. He had never heard of airships before, apparently - he didn't believe me about those for a pretty long time.

...Which led to some funny deviations from the topic, but that's another story.

Anyway...

"Eien is pretty abnormal by usual standards, according to the books I've read about the cities and towns on the Mist Continent. It can't really be defined as a village, town, or city. It's sort of like a mix... We're all very dependent on each other, like a village... But there are more people, closer to a small town. We do have money, yes - Gil, but it doesn't mean all that much to us. We trade, barter, and lend lots of stuff too. We're sort of like... one really, really big extended family. It's probably because of that that our economy is so open. The jobs there are the same way - it's just like we're all related, and people end up working with their relatives. We all help each other out. It's pretty nice, really."

"Um... wow. That's kind of interesting... But, ah... Alex? I kind of meant what it _looked_ like."

"Oh."

According to Alex, Eien was pretty rural. They didn't really have any big buildings, and it looked a lot less advanced than it actually was. Most people lived in small cottages, and the island itself was tropical - strange, considering it was so far north... But then again, that might have been because of the magic. Who knows? In any case, it was supposed to be very beautiful and peaceful.

Once it seemed like Alex had gotten enough rest, and he sun had started to move towards the west again, I brought up the subject of what we were going to do for shelter that night. According to the map he had with him, there was another shelter about 10 miles ahead - Copper Cave. But we only had about six or seven hours of daylight left... And while I doubted I would have a problem walking around at night in sub-zero weather (as much as the thought creeped me out), it didn't particularly sound like fun to me. Plus, I didn't want to have to carry a frozen Alex to shelter for a _second_ time. Once was enough, thanks. Speaking of which, the worry that was evident on his face made me realize for the first time that he had almost died last night. If I hadn't been there, he would have frozen to death for sure... But I really didn't like seeing him upset like that (no matter how valid his reasons), so I placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a quick reassuring squeeze. He looked up from the map at me and I smiled widely.

"Don't worry Alex! Worst case scenario, I'll just carry you again, then warm you up with my body heat!"

Alex stared at me a moment before taking on a very strange expression and turning bright red.

"...Oh joy. The Pervert will save me."

I blinked, wondering what he meant, then re-stated the sentence in my mind, my eyes widening a little as I suddenly realized what it had sounded like.

"I didn't mean like THAT!"

He smirked and shook his head, though the blush remained present.

"Sure you didn't."

"Wha- What? Gah! Get your head out of the gutter - _you're_ the pervert!"

I smacked him over the back of the head, then scooted a few feet away and pouted, my tail flicking back and forth behind me.

Alex laughed, the sound seeming very foreign and unfamiliar to me, like bells or chimes echoing across the snow...

_Has it... has it really been so long since I've heard someone genuinely laugh? Someone without faking it, or just hiding the worry behind it...?_

A quote from one of Lord Avon's later plays popped into my head randomly, making me recite it quietly without thinking about it.

"...'I want my journey to be full of laughter'..."

Alex stopped laughing after a bit and looked at me good naturedly, apparently having heard me speak.

"Did you say something?"

I just shook my head and smiled softly.

Maybe... Despite all the crap I was going through - even though I couldn't tell anyone about it, or cry or scream in confusion and anger for fear of someone hearing me... Maybe things weren't so bad after all.


	13. Red Trance

"Two miles left to go..."

Alex looked up at the sky, not bothering to conceal his anxiety. The sun was setting, and the temperature was already dropping rapidly. At this rate, there was no way we'd get to Copper Cave in time. We were going to have to try to find it in the darkness... and it didn't help things that there wasn't a moon out tonight. Speaking of moons, that brings me to an interesting point. Despite the fact that Kuja trashed Terra beyond all comprehension, it still rises and sets over the skies of Gaia like it always did. If I hadn't been there, I wouldn't have known anything had changed. Alex's thoughts seemed to be running along a similar track, only without the whole knowing-people-actually-used-to-live-on-the-moon thing. I also noticed that he had started to shiver, which made me feel strangely guilty, since I didn't feel anything _at all_... Well, cold-wise, anyway. Once I got out of these mountain ranges and back to somewhere decent, I was gonna try to figure out what was happening to me - but there wasn't really time now.

It was silent.

The only sounds were our footsteps, the soft crunch they made every time we took a step in the snow.

...Remember what I said before, about it _not_ being a good thing that no monsters had shown up? Well... as for the reason why they were so curiously absent from our surroundings...

I never heard it coming.

One minute I was walking along, then the next it felt like someone had swung a sledgehammer into the back of my head. I pitched forward, rolling across the snow and knocking into Alex. I was completely stunned; I couldn't see straight, or focus... Hell, I could barely even _think_, that damn thing had hit my head so hard. By the time my vision cleared up enough for me to be able to see without having a hundred fireworks exploding in my eyes, I saw Alex facing off against my attacker as I lay in the snow.

It was _big_, for starters - really big. It was completely white, blending in with the snow so well that I barely even saw it at first. It looked like a snow ogre of some kind, but with icicle-like ridges jutting out of its spine, and with a lizard-like tail trailing in the snow behind it. It also had very nasty looking claws. Most of them were clear, but - my eyes widened a little - on it's right hand, red crimson liquid was dripping off of them. And somehow, somehow I just _knew_ that it was my friend's. I felt a strange rage building up inside me - not like any I had ever felt before. This one was... cold. Pure, unfiltered _hate_ - clear and efficient. As I somehow raised myself off the ground, I could tell that my head was practically hemorrhaging and I probably had a major concussion. But somehow... I honestly couldn't give a shit.

As I slowly climbed to my feet, my hair fell in front of my face; the tie had probably been ripped off when the monster had slammed the back of my head. I stepped forward, my head bowed. In front of me, I could see Alex flinging a weak fire spell at it, but I ignored the sudden revelation that he could use black magic. Nothing mattered. Only the monster. As Alex noticed I had gotten up he gasped and was distracted for a moment. One moment was all it took for the snow monster to smash him in the forehead with it's tail. One... single moment... is all it took for me to change. I looked up at it, all sense of self gone besides a few basic emotions and simplistic thoughts.

I let out an animalistic scream, feeling something within me break. Light erupted around me - the light of trance - but this time... this time it was _red_. Cold, calculating fury. I existed solely to destroy my enemy... Everything else... was meaningless. I lunged at the fool who had _dared_ touch anything of mine - I ripped into him with razor-sharp claws I had never had before, daggers long forgotten. I lost myself completely when I drew blood, tearing deep into it, ripping apart it's flesh. It lashed out at me; it's teeth burying themselves into my collarbone. I just laughed, and yanked myself out of its jaws, ignoring the blinding pain that should have come with shattered bones and shredded muscle. I delivered a high kick to it's head, knocking it back several feet, then following it up with a right hook to it's face. It slammed it's spiked-tail into my stomach, knocking the air out of my chest and impaling the white spikes deep with in me. It yanked them back out, letting the blood spurt out of the holes and out of my mouth, choking up the liquid from punctured organs. It moved to crush my head in it's claws, but I wrapped my tail around it's arm, swinging myself up onto it's back, then digging my claws into it. It let out a enraged roar, and tried to shake me off, forcing me to let go and jump away. I remembered my daggers now, and threw one, laughing as it smacked blade-first into it's throat. It swayed and grasped blindly at the knife, clawing itself up by accident - but before it was able to steady itself, I had slammed my entire arm through it's chest, the still beating heard pulsing in my hands. I laughed like a child with a new toy as it fell, my arm sliding out of it with a horrific squelching noise. I looked down at the heart with distain and slowly crushed it, blood running through my fingers like water. Dropping it carelessly on the ground, I stepped onto the monster's chest, and smiled down at it, running a tongue over razor-sharp teeth I hadn't had before.

"I win."

And then I crushed its head under my boot.

I let out a terrifying howl of triumph, filled with ecstasy over the kill... It echoed across the snow, trailing off into bloodlust-filled whops of laughter.

And then... raising a clawed, blood-covered hand to my forehead, I laughed hysterically one last time... Then I fell backwards, the world turning black before I hit the snow.

...Red all around me.

Red - everywhere red...

A nightmare.

And I _liked_ it...


	14. Leave Me

"Hey!"

_Wha... what?_

"Wake up!"

_Who...?_

"Dammit Zidane!"

_You... know me?_

"Please! Please wake up!"

_Who are you...?_

"Zidane, please! Don't leave me alone again!"

_Huh...? Alone again?_

"Wake up! Please, please wake up...!"

_You... _

"God, don't die Zidane!"

_Are..._

"Not like this!"

_Alex!_

My eyes snapped open as I gasped loudly, consciousness hitting me like a brick in the head. I heard someone jerk away from me with a startled sound, then a muffled cry of pain. I tilted my head to the side where the noise had come from, my vision blurry.

"A...Alex?"

"Zidane!"

I winced at the loud sound of his voice, feeling like I had the worst hangover of my life. I ignored the rest of what he said, mentally trying to figure out what the heck was going on - like why I was lying down on a pile of something soft and cold, and hurt all over like I had had the living crap beaten out of me.

"...and when I woke up, you were just lying there! I thought you were dead...! Anyway, I--"

I blinked blearily at his words, vaguely remembering something about Alex getting hurt... But I couldn't quite remember...

"--I was pretty banged up - I think I had a major concussion, my arm was all clawed up, and I was freezing - so I was barely able to think straight. But I was able to take an Elixer, and that fixed almost everything up - man, I love Elixers - Hey! Don't go back asleep!"

I wished he would shut up... His inane chattering was keeping me awake, and I was so tired... Though, in retrospect, that's probably part of why he was talking like that. To keep me from falling asleep, I mean.

I felt a hand grab my chin and open my mouth, then a cold sweet liquid pour down my throat. I swallowed instinctively, my headache suddenly disappearing with a strange tingling feeling left behind. The same feeling spread all throughout my body, pain leaving in its wake. My thought processes were still fuzzy, but a little better now too.

"Wait... wait. Back up. What happened?"

I blinked at him blearily, not trying to sit up as he leaned over me, eyes wide and raven-black hair completely disheveled.

"We got attacked, remember? You got hit from behind and went down, so I fought... but I got hurt pretty bad, and I saw you get up... and then... that's it, I guess. I got knocked out by it, and when I woke up, it uh... it wasn't a problem anymore really."

He seemed nervous somehow - definitely uncomfortable. He wasn't biting his lip or anything like that, but... something about his demeanor... He sounded really shook up. Somewhat glassy-eyed I stared up at him, sort of following what he was saying, but still confused.

"What do you mean by... not a problem anymore?"

His eyes flickered away from me for a moment, then back at me.

"I was... kinda hoping _you_ could tell me that..."

At my apparent confusion, he looked away again, nervously rubbing the arm that had been injured earlier without thinking about it. He seemed... afraid.

"Wha... what are you talking about?"

He took a deep breath, before looking straight into my eyes, his own deadly serious, with a sharp cold fear behind them.

"...What did you _do_? You're completely covered in _blood_ - fresh, wet blood... It's all over your cloths, your hands, your _face_... It looked like you were mauled, but... Zidane, _it's jammed under your nails_..."

My eyes widened at Alex's shaky words, as the Summoner seemed to be holding back panic.

"And when I saw the monster - or what was left of it - gods, _what the hell did you DO to it?_ I've never seen anything like..."

He shuddered violently, looking sick at the thought of it.

"Alex, Alex, I don't remember what you're talking ab--"

And then it finally hit me. _All_ of it. I made a gagging noise as I flipped over onto my side and threw up, violent heaves, as if trying to vomit out my memories. I felt a very hesitant hand on my back, trying to sooth me as my body wracked with shudders, a silent voice of comfort.

Gods, I wanted it _off of me_.

The minute I could move again, I flung Alex's hand off me, backing up a few feet.

"D-don't touch me!"

"Zidane...!"

His eyes, those expressive amber orbs were filled with emotion. Fear, naturally... but also with pain. I coughed as the taste of my own bile assaulted my tongue, holding back the gag reflex as I covered my mouth, my eyes clenched shut so I wouldn't have to see him.

"Just... just leave me alone, dammit!"

I climbed unsteadily to my feet, feeling like I was going to pass out, staggering back a few steps. He stepped forward, following me almost fearfully, as if I might drop dead at any second...

...Or go insane and kill him.

"Zidane, please... let me help you, I--"

"NO! Get AWAY from me!"

I turned and tried to run, but my legs gave out underneath me, and I fell to my knees, a wave of pain running through me. It was weird. It wasn't like I had any actual physical wounds anymore... And somehow, the idea that I was being hurt so badly by emotional, mental, and just overall exhaustion-induced pain... it just struck me as really funny. I didn't laugh though, which was probably a good thing considering Alex's doubtless lack of confidence in my sanity at this point.

"Go-goddamit..."

And then _again_ with the hand, laying on my left shoulder. I spun around, hands still in the snow, my eyes furious.

"I told you to get _the fuck_ away from me, dammit Alex!"

I didn't see the harsh slap coming, one that left a red imprint on my face with a resounding noise. Nor did I expect the person who hit me to also have tears streaming down his face, his right hand raised to his mouth with his left outstretched in front of him, the palm and angry red. And for a moment, just a moment... I saw an image of Dagger overlapping his, eyes angry and sad all at once, back when I had almost been broken by Garland...

...When I had wanted to die, and failing in that ran away.

So I wouldn't hurt anybody... So I wouldn't betray my friends.

And they convinced me, somehow, that I _wouldn't_ do anything like that, that I was _Zidane_, and not some creation only meant to destroy...

...And yet here I was now, with blood and flesh not of my own all over me, covered in it, _stained_... And deep down, or worse, maybe not so deep, I knew a part of me _enjoyed_ it.

The image of Dagger shattered as he pulled me into a tight hug, making me gasp sharply in shock. His arms were tight around my chest, his head buried in my shoulder. Slowly, instinctively, I closed my arms around him as well, completely caught off guard. I felt him shaking, out of fear or hurt I couldn't tell - but gods, I felt horrible suddenly that he was in pain... that I had caused it.

"You stupid moron..."

My eyes widened as he spoke, his voice muffled.

"If you left, where would that leave me? You promised, remember? You promised to help me find my friends and get out of this mountain, so don't you dare go back on your word!"

I stared straight forward in a mix of shock and confusion as the realization of what he really meant sunk in.

He didn't _care_ - he knew what I had done and he wanted me around _anyway_... That he didn't want to lose me as a friend, or at all. That he was willing to deal with it - whatever _it_ was - so long as I was by his side.

I couldn't help but feel a little surprised when I felt a tear run down my cheek, warm against my skin.

"...Alright, Alex - you win. I promised, didn't I...? I won't... go anywhere, okay?"

The only response I got was his arms tightening around me, and a quiet muffled cry.

...But somehow, I knew it was going to turn out okay.

* * *

"It's dark... too dark. I can't see where I'm going anymore, Zidane..."

Startled from my thoughts, I looked up at Alex, who was trudging through the snow a few feet a head of me. I blinked a few times, realizing that it _was_ dark out - there wasn't even a moon, and the stars were overcast with clouds. I hadn't noticed... I could see fine. His pace slowed until he came to a stop, and I moved next to him, stopping as well. He glanced over at me, amber eyes meeting my blue ones through the cold night. He had a worried look on his face, but he seemed calm. Almost resigned, though it didn't look like he was planning on giving up.

"Do you have anything with you that we could burn? Like a torch, or something?"

I shook my head no after thinking about it for a bit, then, realizing he couldn't see that, spoke.

"No... I don't. But how would we...?"

I blinked as I remembered how Alex had thrown the fire spell at the monster, when I got up from being attacked. I hadn't thought about it at the time, really, but now I felt pretty surprised. As a Summoner, I had assumed that he would know White Magic - like Eiko and Dagger. But apparently I was wrong.

"Oh right... you're a Black Mage, aren't you? I always thought that all Summoners were White Mages, though..."

I tilted my head to the side slightly, thinking about it. It would explain why he was carrying around so many restorative items; he couldn't heal himself, like the other two Summoners I knew could.

He nodded as he spoke, making my ears prick slightly as I listened.

"Well... kind of. About the Black Mage thing. I'm not really that strong, or anything though - I can only do a few spells..."

He looked slightly sheepish as he admitted that he wasn't that good, making me smile slightly. Then he looked slightly confused, albeit amused.

"As for the White Mage thing, what ever gave you that idea?"

I shrugged, letting out a slight embarrassed laugh.

"I know two Summoners. They both use White Magic, so I sort of assumed that all of them did. I guess it was kinda stupid of me. Hehe..."

He shook his head no, a faint smile on his face.

"Nope; some Summoners don't even use magic at all. What the Summoner can do magic-wise really doesn't have to do with the fact that they're a Summoner. It's an understandable mistake though - most Summoners _do_ learn White Magic, since they're Eidalons are usually a strong enough offensive force."

I nodded, folding my arms in thought. The only Black Mage I had ever known was Vivi - and magic seemed to come naturally to him, which made sense considering he was designed that way. Alex, on the other hand, seemed to struggle with it, just from that little bit I had seen...

"Hey Alex, why don't you carry a staff or anything? Not even a knife, or... well, anything? Most mages usually have a focuser for their spells... why don't you?"

He shrugged slightly, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.

"The way I was raised... I was raised by three others; my parent's died when I was pretty young. My mother, Shira, was a Black Mage - she taught me what I know about that... but because she died when I was about seven, I didn't get too far. She was the only Black Mage in the village who really knew what they were doing... But then Veira helped me."

He smiled softly, making me wonder who this 'Veira' was. Actually, what I _really_ wondered was why the hell we were still standing out in the middle of the snow chatting, but... whatever.

"She's one of the three that raised me after both my parents died. Actually, the one's I was traveling with, too. She's my cousin... and a Blue Mage. She couldn't teach me any new magic, but she _could_ teach me better control of what I did know... She helped me learn from my mom's books, and taught me how to focus my energy... But the way a Blue Mage's magic works is too different from that of a Black Mage - even a White Mage would have been better... But there aren't that many mages in Eien. It wasn't like I had a whole lot of options."

I nodded, but I couldn't help that Alex hadn't answered my question, still. Also, I was really starting to wonder why we weren't _going_ anywhere... just standing here. It didn't really make any sense...

"Yeah, okay... But why don't you use any kind of focuser?"

"I'm getting to that... I lived with two other people, along with Veira. The three of them had been living together for a long time, and they took me in. The other two were named Even and Tanya. Even is why I don't use a weapon. He's a martial artist; he started teaching me almost immediately after I moved in. That was before I was willing to learn magic again... when I was still... very depressed."

"I know what it's like... a friend went through a lot of pain once. She didn't speak at all for ages... and it completely messed up her magic."

He nodded as I mentioned Dagger, remembering how she had fallen into that deep depression after everything that had happened to Alexandria and her mother...

"Exactly. It wouldn't have worked if Veira had tried to teach me then... I barely spoke at all... I couldn't focus, I barely did anything... And Even had the idea that teaching me how to fight would somehow get me to talk. Anyways, I--"

That was it. It was obvious now that he was stalling. And I didn't like it.

"Alex... look, I know I was just asking you questions, but... why the hell are we just standing out here, talking?"

There was silence for a few moments, as he looked away from me and bit his lip slightly; he had no idea that I could see that, otherwise he probably wouldn't have...

"I don't know what to do, Zidane... I can't see where we're going at all, and I can't read the map in this light... or lack there of... And we can't stay here either."

I was quiet for a few moments, considering what to do. I could admit that _I_ could see, and lead us. But then, that would mean that he would know... But what choice did I have? I sighed, holding a hand out.

"Give me the map, Alex."

He stared at me, confusion evident in his eyes. He held the map out, and I took it, causing him make a small surprised noise. With a slight shuffling noise I looked down at it, able to read it without any real trouble. Then I looked up at our surroundings, then back at him.

"I can see... I can lead us there."

He stared through the darkness, shocked.

"You can... _see_? In this light?"

"Yup. And if you hold onto my hand, or walk next to me, I can lead us. We're almost there, anyway."

He just gaped at me, but didn't say anything. He let out a quiet shriek though, as I grabbed his hand.

"Relax! It's just me. C'mon - I'll lead you. Don't worry."

"O...okay..."

He sounded unsure, but tightened his grip a little around my hand all the same as we started to move forward again, now led by me. The snow crunched under our feet, making a pleasant sound that I would have thought I'd have been sick of by this point, the wind nearly non-existent. Above us, some stars shined faintly through the clouds, just barely, like hidden hope.


End file.
